I recently read the book The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga. If you are unfamiliar, it is an overview of Adlerian Psychology, also known as Individual Psychology.
I’ll admit that I had never heard of Alfred Adler or the psychology he was a proponent of, but I am glad that I gave this book a read. Unlike many psychology or self-help books, this one is written in the form of a narrative dialogue between a student and a mentor, which makes it very easy to read.
While I did not agree with everything that the book teaches, I did find one of the main focal points quite powerful:
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The past is dead.
The future doesn’t exist yet.
All we have is today.
In modern western culture we hear a lot about being present in the moment, but what does that truly mean? Adler directly addresses this by telling us that the past is dead. In the book the mentor actually says “the past does not exist,” meaning it’s not something that we can change.
The thing about human beings is that we often dwell on the past. We think about mistakes we’ve made, missed opportunities, failed or lost relationships, trauma, or even the best of times. We’ve all met the person who is seemingly stuck in the past, trying to live their glory days over and over.
But the past is dead. No matter what you do, you cannot bring it back or change things that have taken place.
In a similar line of thought, the future doesn’t exist yet. We also get caught up thinking about how life could be so much better if, fill in the blank. We have future plans and expectations that cause us stress and anxiety, but more importantly cause us to miss being present in the moment.
Which is the whole point of this topic. By dwelling on the past or the future, we miss the present. Life will pass you by while you worry or ruminate on things outside of your control. The only way to truly live is to let those things go and live fully in the moment.
I’m still learning how to do this well, but I’ve adopted a daily habit of telling myself first thing in the morning that today is all I have. I’ve added it to my gratitude practice, because I truly am thankful that I have another day to live - one in which I can do my best to be fully present in the moment.
It’s amazing how the mundane can become special when you focus on being fully present. Sights, smells, feelings, tastes, etc all come to life and you begin to realize the transformational power of letting the past go and allowing your mind to stop dwelling on the future.
All we have is the present moment. The next heartbeat could be your last. You don’t have control of that. What we do have control over is how we view the present moment and that choice can change everything.
I tell myself the following daily:
The Past Is Dead.
The Future Doesn’T Exist Yet.
All I Have Is Today… Right Now.